pessimism

although i have posted in my previous blog that my issues have been resolved regarding my wednesday blunder.

i cannot hide the fact that i am really going through a "phase" right now. this is different, well a lil realted to that wednesday thing, though this has been present before last wednesday.

(although most people say, ang galing ko magtago. maybe now that i'm 18 and a day old. i should keep it real. well. not 100% but at least a lil. its really hard to wear a mask, right?!)

what i really wish for my birthday is: happiness that cannot be equated to any material thing.
(exact example: MONEY, or a diamond ring.)

funny. most people write blogs so that in a way, indirectly say what they want to say, or share what feelings they have inside. and although how i wish that he could read this. i just know that it is impossible.

but if i were to be asked to ressolve this now.
i know i am not ready.

or maybe i'm just scared.

optimism

i thought last wednesday, will be just like other days, but i was kinda pissed that day.
( i don't want to elaborate on it, because the persons concerned knows about it already. and i think most people do also.)

so i wasn't really plannin' to go to school the next day, and instead planned to go shopping for my last minute birthday errands. but before i went to sleep, i learned taht classes were suspended. yey.
( just to later realize that there were nothing to be happy about)

my mom and i still went to 168. and as we were on our way home, we got first hand experience of the typhoon.
(yeah, we saw billboards crash and tarps and signs flying everywhere.)

i was so happy to get home safely. only to find out: BROWN OUT.
(talagang niliteral ko dba)

so a day passed of having to get water from our neighbor's pump and another day.
(yup. 3 days. 3 nights. walang kuryente!)

then i realized! saturday, shet! BDAY KO NA! wala paring kuryente! good thing my mom reserved a hotel room ahead, so i was able to do all my preparations there.
(all hotels were fully booked! mahirap ang pilipinas ang pilipino inde!)

but all my songs for my 18 roses and all that were still in my ipod! not yet in a cd! so un. (alam nio ng panay sitti songs lang ung nagplay nung debut ko and instrumental lang ung sa 18 roses, haiz. sayang ung mga nights that i was awake to prepare for the songs.)

although, i gave out 110 invitations and only 70+ people came.
i am still grateful.
for we were not harmed by the typhoon.
and i still had a great time.
(though... basta alam nio na un...)
i hope everyone who came had a great time too.

THANKS GUYS!